Your tardy friends suck. 7 Principles
Published October 16, 2023 · 21:47 · 231,721 views
About This Video
Tardiness is not an insignificant quirk. It is among the most disrespectful behaviors you can bestow upon your fellow man. Van delivers this lecture: the one he dreams of giving to habitually late people while waiting for them. With the moral seriousness of a sermon.
The threshold: you are allowed to be late once per month. Not once for work and once for friends. Once total, for everything. If you have 80 things to do this week and you're on time for 79 of them, you're habitually late. The video opens with Van 90 minutes before a meeting at a place he's never been, already knowing he's running late, already knowing he'll make it. Seven principles, 21 minutes, and the underlying argument is that punctuality is a form of respect: not a personality trait, not a scheduling preference, but a moral position on whether other people's time has value.
Transcript
this week's video the one you're watching now will be on YouTube next week's video will be on patreon it is 90
minutes before I have to be there but I know I am running late literally and I also know that I will be
there on time 11:00 a.m. billies in Koga I've never been there before and I will make it God willing this is the lecture I dream
about giving to habitually late people while I am waiting for them but I can't give them this lecture out of a
sense of decency so to those of my beautiful brothers and sisters who are punctual people who care about
others and are considerate of others who take pains to be a punctual person this lecture is dedicated to you and I'm sure
you've felt this way [Music] too got to be on that motorcycle in 28 minutes and I know it has a full tank of
gas Let The Healing begin tardiness is not an insignificant Quirk tardiness is among the most disrespectful behaviors that you can
bestow upon your fellow man when you are habitually late for me you you are telling me I don't respect you
whether you intend to tell me that or not that is the message that you send to me when you are habitually late so what
does habitually late mean what do I mean by habitually late habitually late is being late once or more time per week
for anything meaning if you have 80 things to do this week and you're on time for 79 of them and then next week you have 100 things
to do and you're on time for 99 of them you're habitually late and that sounds ridiculous to you doesn't it that's why
you're always [Music] late so what is an acceptable rate of tardiness how often are you allowed to be late and you are allowed to be late
because we are human beings beings and things happen and this is how often you are allowed to be late you are allowed
to be late for anything once per month not once for work not once for a friend you are allowed to be late once a
month for everything for your friends for specific human beings you allowed to be late once per year if you are a
punctual person then you are late only once per month and and once per year per individual sounds ridiculous but that's
why you're always late okay if you're meeting me 5 minutes late is not late I will allow you to be five minutes late
and I won't consider that late six minutes late you've burned through your year but 5 minutes late like the movie
Drive you're good you give me a time and a place I give you a f- minute window anything happens in that 5
minutes and I'm Yours no matter what anything happens a minute either side of that and you're on your
own 6 minutes late counts against your one a month one a year allowance for myself I don't allow myself to be 5
minutes late if I'm 5 minutes late I'm late in my [Music] mind okay how do we do it how are punctual people punctual we're not born
that way way it's not something that comes natural to us it's work like any other achievement it is work like
anything that you care about its work and sacrifice and consideration of others but it boils down also to simple
principles it's hundreds of little organization and maintenance rituals that keep us punctual and keeping your
computer clean is one of them clean my ma Mac X is an app that's part of our ritual for keeping our computers
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we also have a computer ritual between videos we do backups of course but we also so run clean my Mac X to optimize
our computer's performance security and speed try clean my Mac x with a 7-Day free trial and use the link in the
description for a 20% discount thank you clean my Mac X principle number one estimated duration of travel Ed DT uh you tardy
people suck at this you think you're good at it but you suck at it so late people this is what late people do ready
they check their Google at 7 a.m. on a Sunday how long does it take to get to LAX and then for a late person that's
how long it takes to get there no matter what it takes 28 minutes to get there from TOA Canyon or whatever so 28
minutes from when they have to pick their friend up from the the airport they start looking for their keys start
putting their shoes on start Google Maps the destination Billy's fashion Billy's reinforcing steel nope oh it's not
called Billy it's called Henry's okay 25 minutes okay that means I'll be 9 minutes early if I'm in a car all the
tiny little hundreds of little jobs that you have to do in order to execute your arrival they begin late people to late
people begin at the time that it says it's going to take you to get there this is how you estimate how long it's going
to take you to get somewhere you go to your Google and you check how long it takes to get to that place but you check
during rush hour you check at 9:00 a.m. or you know 5:00 p.m. then you take that time and you double it and that's when you begin to
leave what you have to do is double the time and I know that sounds ridiculous but that's why you're late
all the time I am very nearly always on time and I very nearly always double the amount of time that Google tells me it's
going to take and I almost always use Google even if I've been to the place 100 times and know how to get there
because Google will reroute me around traffic and I usually only arrive about 5 to 10 minutes early and I'd like to
take this opportunity to apologize to the folks I met in Austin in January for being like 15 minutes late with my
family that is on me so to Alan and Jenna and Coco and Stewart and Elaine and Stuart's mom I apologize for being
late to that dinner that is on me but I won't be late for the next year and I promise you that this is my unfair
Advantage principle number two killing time didn't count on this now when you give yourself enough time to get there
you will often kill too much time and then you're going to be late the principle for killing time is this you
cannot kill time until you've arrived at your destination and parked you basically have to you kill time you
basically have to be at your destination like if you're meeting someone at a diner you basically have to be in the
foyer of the diner before you're allowed to kill time 1044 principle number three when you're making the arrangements meet at a
specific place unless it's totally obvious like at your house or something but if you're meeting at Yankee Stadium
don't just say I'll meet you at Yankee Stadium pick a specific place you know ticket booth C1 uh I was once late meeting Jack
because we decided at a certain time to meet at Bob's Big Boy Jack sent me a text while I was riding a motorcycle 90
M hour splitting Lanes on the 101 to be there on time which I was he emailed me that he had gotten a table and I didn't get the email or the
text and so I was late to meeting him at that table but I wasn't really late but I'll own that that I was late for that
because I wasn't specific enough to you know pick a specific meeting place as well as as meeting time which
brings us to principle number four no calms during the commute time no communication during the time when the
person you are meeting is traveling is taking the sub way walking driving flying to where you're supposed
to meet tardy people this is one of the most disgusting things that tardy people do um you know you'll be driving
across town it's an hour and a half but you know you're you're a punctual person so you've taken all the precautions even
though you're sitting in traffic maybe you've had some emergency and and you the the punctual person is like really
focused like a warrior to get there on time to get there on time to get there on time but you're you know you're
driving or you're parking or you're looking for the place and you're super focused and this person is texting you
I'm going to be 40 minutes I'm going to be 10 minutes late and then they're 30 minutes late I'm going to be F I'm
looking like sorry sorry sorry I'm running late sorry if you're running late and you want to reset the clock
which I think is okay to do might also help the other person but you must reach that person be before they've left and I
mean reach sent does not mean receive not texting them but texting them and receiving Roger got your message or call
them an extreme example of this for me I once VIA mail like not email via stamps and envelopes mail made an arrangement
to visit a friend who's never been late for me ever in 20 years that I've known him I made an arrangement via the mail I
will meet you at your apartment in Berlin on such and such date at such and such time two months go by no
communication back and forth nothing it's 5 minutes early I flew across an ocean I left from New York City I flew
across across an ocean figured out all the trains and planes and all of that and the baggage and blah blah blah and I
met him at his apartment at 5 minutes earlier then blah blah blah principle number five your excuses are your
own traffic really in Los Angeles you had traffic that's why you're late wow your phone died oh really what are you
seven oh work a work thing oh really we all work oh the kids the kids the kids okay they're your kids just a little
pointer with kids you have to give kids an extreme amount of of wiggle room to to be on time you can't blame it on your
kids you have to give them kids are extremely slow and you have to accommodate for that had to get gas
on my time you had to get gas on my time okay all right Force maure some crazy Black Swan event fine you get one of those a month
and you get one of those a year because that's about the frequency with which those those happen principle number six
be a cop this is like if you're in a couple situation and you're the untime one and your partner is like a terrorist
and always makes you run late you have to be a cop and what you do is you have a departure time that's set in stone we
have to leave by such and such clutch this is what they say in the motorcycle Adventure business clutches out at such
and such and then if that person isn't ready just go take separate cars meet you there catch an Uber and you got to
you can't Bluff and you get there on time and then when it comes up in Coupes therapy you tell the therapist and the therapist
will take your side and the therapist will say to the other person why do you make this person be late all the time
and if the therapist doesn't take your side fire them principal seven allowances there are some things you
don't have to be on time for if a person is hosting you for dinner at their house it is polite to arrive 10 minutes after
the stated time for dinner and it's impolite to arrive early for dinner because they might be vacuuming in their
underwear parties you can get to parties whenever you want you can get there 5 minutes before everybody leaves unless it's a
surprise party then you have to be absolutely punctual to not spoil the surprise and God help you if you spoil a
surprise party now if you're going to a dinner party that says drinks at blank drinks at 7 meal at 9 you don't have to
be there in time for the drinks but you got to be there in time for the meal cuz you know everybody's sitting at the
table you don't want them waiting for you meeting a family at the mall you don't have to be on time because there's
so much to do at the mall and there is no commute time when you get there so you can text and figure out ah where are
you guys blah blah blah however meeting a family for a dinner at the mall at a restaurant where the host or Hostess
won't seat the party until you're there have to be on time a movie at the mall you have to be on time
obviously the playground you don't really have to be on time if you're meeting friends at the playground for
play date for the kids qualifiers qualifiers give you 15 minutes and if you're a habitually late person and
you're just learning how to be on time you're going to need to wait a year before you start using qualifiers
because you're just not ready for them yet you're not ready for the you're not ready for the grace period and a
qualifier is I'll meet you around 7 about 7:15 in the neighborhood of 7 and you have 15 minutes from that
about around near you have 15 minutes you don't have to be on time for your onthe clock employees or subordinates during working
hours they're being paid for their time and if you're paying for it you can be as late as you want basically but only
during working hours one of the reasons I'm doing this is because it's been a growing frustration of mine for over a
decade and there's no accountability for it if you love these people they just get away with it and get away with it and get
away with it and get away with it and then you're the bad guy for getting up in their face it's like totally okay to
victim blame if you're a late person but I'll tell you what if you are my friend if you consider yourself my friend a
friend of van neistat and you are habitually late I will slowly and subconsciously Death By A Thousand Cuts
make myself unavailable to you take my time away from you that you have taken away from me in my punctuality waiting
for you and then eventually you'll just sort of disappear into the world of others of all the other late
[Applause] people when I was a kid my classy grandmother had this book called etiquette by Emily post and we
all called it the Emily post book of etiquette and this was the only access I had when I was young to how like rich
and sophisticated people behaved this was the only thing I kind of had access to I couldn't go to their restaurants or
their country clubs or anything like that I didn't know any rich or sophisticated people and so I came to
believe that this was like a manual for how to be rich and sophisticated but that is not what this is that is not
what this etiquette book is and in the opening chapter uh Mrs post Emily post who literally wrote the book on etiquette
said that this is sort of the code of behavior to be among best Society not richest Society not best looking tallest best educated Society
best society and with with good etiquette with careful consideration for our friends and for our fellow human
beings we can be a part of anything including best society and who who would want to be a part of anything but the
best Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy knowledge of the social amenities and instinctive consideration
for the feelings of others are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members Henry's breakfast lunch and
dinner I'm on time Kevin is usually here before me and he's always on time and he's busy I've seen people change I know a
certain famous artist in New York City who was late for everything forever and I've seen him change and work on it and
for me he's punctual now he makes an effort he makes the effort and I can see it and I think most importantly not most
importantly but I think selfishly a wonderful byproduct of punctuality is that it's a beautiful way to live you will feel your life getting
better you will understand that you have to be now more honest if you want to be on time you'll have to really think
about how long it takes to do things and then you will provide yourself such a long Runway to do things that you'll be
able to enjoy the process of getting from point A to B or you know meeting friends at such and such and such
and 7 minutes [Music] early hey what's up best Society be on time on this week's patreon only video here are the screws that concern my shop
I rarely use Nails because screws are better for at least two reasons you can get a tighter connection with a screw than with a nail and you can take the thing apart if it's assembled with [Music] screws
Products & Tools Mentioned
- CleanMyMac X mentions — sponsor - Mac optimization software
People Referenced
Emily Post, Kevin, Jack
Books Mentioned
- Etiquette
Films & Media Referenced
- film referenced for 5-minute window concept