The Rules of Gifting
Published October 30, 2021 · 13:43 · 577,318 views
About This Video
Van's taxonomy: nice, made, thoughtful. Any two of three is a good gift. All three is the Holy Trinity. By "made" he means your hand is in it: a customized Victorinox Swiss Army knife, a $5 pen engraved with the date you first met, a tape dispenser Tom Sachs built and handed over. The framework sounds simple but the underlying argument is not: gift-giving is a form of attention, and the quality of the gift reveals the quality of your attention to the recipient.
The practical advice flows from the philosophy. Own a Dremel engraver and a wood burner. $50 total. Know what flowers your girl likes (most women hate red roses, he's just putting it out there). Take your time with books. Go into a bookstore, channel the person, wander, and the book will come to you. Made gifts should be no bigger than your hand, in case they hate it. A postcard counts: his friend Ariel Schulman has maintained an 18-year postcard relationship. Getting a good present takes two days: one to rack your brain, then sleep on it, then the epiphany. The goal of gift giving is to make the receiver cry. Even if you don't really love them.
Transcript
[Music] I've got a lot of kits I've been refining for decades now these kits afford me a sort of Freedom the ability to move through time and space according to my [Music] standards the Land Cruiser kit contains tools for minor repair hairs and urethane bungees for lashing Lumber to the [Music] roof I've been refining my snowboard kit since 1990 that's 31 [Music] years one of the more recent refinements is these suspenders suspenders are an essential tool for snowboarding and probably for skiing too they keep the snow out of your crack
which a belt does not do and these are the best suspenders from better than belts they got the straps that go to a y in the back this is the ski clip model suspenders with composite Clips they're made in USA in New York City somehow better than belts bought this ad from my Kickstarter campaign for this channel before there even was a channel and I guess now that means technically I am a sponsored snowboarder and for that better than belts has my eternal gratitude they have all kinds of suspenders on their site so go buy some [Music]
[Music] [Applause] surprise all gifts should have some element of surprise so if you're getting something for someone and they know what they're getting surprise them with when you give it to them them or how you give it to them the best gifts are nice made and thoughtful but any two will be a good gift so these customized Swiss Army knives are nice and made but they're not particularly thoughtful because I give away and sell a lot of them they're just like sort of a standard gift but they're nice enough and they have my hand in them that they're a good gift an example of thoughtful and made is I give these pens out to people um a lot of times the first time I meet them and what makes
them it thoughtful is that I engrave the date so that oh this is the day we first met it's not particularly nice um it's just a $5 pen it is made and it's made by me and that's what I mean by made or I've added a touch to it um the grip and the Eraser and then the date an example of a gift that's nice and thoughtful my motorcycle boots that my brother Dean bought me for my birthday one year they're very nice boots he had bought me my original boots and noticed they were worn out and replaced them with these even better boots thoughtful but Dean didn't make the boots an example of nice thoughtful and made is this tape dispenser that Tom Sachs made for me I had loaned him one of my tape dispensers and he returned the tape dispenser to me with this tape dispenser
that he made for me and this is I mean Tom saxs is is an artist and his work sells for a tremendous amount of money and he made this and it is so nice so that's an example of made nice and thoughtful and that's the Holy Trinity that's the best a gift can get so by made I mean your hand is in it it's customized in some way so even if you have someone professionally engrave a watch that counts as made a rule of thumb that I found helpful is that made gifts should be no bigger than your hand and the reason for this is that maybe you make a gift that the person hates and they don't have the heart to throw it out because you make made it for them at least don't take up their real estate obviously there's exceptions to this my buddy Scott childhood friend made me this beautiful art piece it's bigger than my hand it's very thoughtful
and it's very nice so but Scott is an exceptional person and an exceptional person in my life so it's just a good guideline if you're making something and you need like what should I do what should I do start with okay it's not going to be bigger than my hand dating or monogramming the gift gives the gift extra power you can have it professionally dated or monogrammed and by monogram I mean just write their name on it doesn't have to be like i b z or whatever I encourage you to own a a Dremel engraver or an electric engraver and own some kind of wood burner these things cost like $20 both of them cost you know probably set you back 50 bucks for both of them and then you can just engrave basically anything the wood burner is for wood and plastic and the engraver is for just about everything even glass if you're careful also a white out pen um there's this variety this Pentel then there's this uniball which is for finer print writing know
what flowers your girl likes you can offend a woman um by getting the wrong flowers and I'm sorry most women hate red roses I'm just putting it out there I've never met a woman that said oh I love red roses I'm sure they're out there I've found that by getting the right flowers it's disproportionate to the gesture like it affects I've had it affect women it's it's powerful if you get the Right Flowers pay attention to if she mentions a specific flower shop that's a great cheat write it down go there be a guy that goes to flower shops they love having guys in there and they treat you so nicely and so um tenderly and it's just a great experience if you happen to live in New York City there is a place
in the West Village called the meadow and they're the best and they will arrange a beautiful bouquet of flowers and you probably can't lose be a guy who pay patronizes flower shops they'll love you for it and they treat you very kindly take your time with books books are great Hail Mary you can do them last minute but you have to go into a bookstore channel the person you're buying the book for keep them in your imagination and then wander around freely in the bookstore and the book will come to you get a signed copy if it's available and date and write your name in one of the leaves of the book happy birthday to blah blah blah and then sign your name maybe a little message a postcard counts a postcard particularly for birthdays because as you get older nobody you know we don't really care about birthday presents as we get older but I'll tell you my friend
Khloe sent me a postcard from Beirut and on the postcard it said today is your birthday and I get choked up thinking about it and the object your goal and giving giv a present and giving a gift is to make the receiver cry that is your goal and my friend Ariel Schulman is the master of postcards we have like a like an 18-year postcard relationship so when you're giving a postcard as a gift you don't brag about where you are you make it about them and put a joke or some kind of line in there and what re does cuz he's a great artist is he adds a drawing in or put some he make the postcard it'll be some kind of little flourish that he does that takes time but boy I mean I have in my shelves of special things there's a lot of Ariel Schulman postcards up there generally speaking getting a good present takes two days one day to Rack your brain then
sleep on it then the next day to get the Epiphany and execute the gift um and they don't have to be two consecutive days but you know March 11th you're racking your brain and then you sort of Let It settle and then March 14th you go out and get get the present she will tell you take note be precise I have an example of a gift I didn't get but I took a note in my iPhone and she said I want a Dyson hair dryer now you can't go and get another haird dryer that's kind of like the Dyson it has to be the Dyson hair dryer what happened was I couldn't afford it and by the time I could afford it I could afford to get her a motorcycle and I got her that instead and then she went and got herself the DIYs and haird dryer but pay attention because they will tell you not if you ask not if you ask what do you want for your what do you want for your Christmas no no no no it doesn't work that way you'll be driving in the car you'll be
60 feet from a pen behind the wheel and she'll be like you know I saw those shoes and the blah blah blah and I really wanted to to get him but oh man you know I don't know I maybe I get him on sale but that that's write it down figure it out go to the bathroom pull over figure it out write it down she's telling you you got to be vigilant he got it for me in when you're in interesting places foreign places exotic places go to gift shops and just stockpile on little presents and save them you may maybe you don't know who they're for but you want to be able to give them to the person and say I got you this and blah blah blah this is one of my most cherished things I love this it's a scraper I've never seen anything like it Tom Sachs pulled this out of a bag and handed it to me and said I got you this in Japan and that was 20 years ago I've had it I've been through a lot in the last
20 years and I haven't lost this thing I cherish this thing expensive not costly so you can get expensive presents that don't cost a lot of money like a $10 piece of chocolate is an expensive piece of chocolate but it's not a lot of money uh my buddy has this company and they make these socks and these socks are amazing and they're they don't cost a lot of money but they're expensive for socks and I love these socks I love putting them on it's like a vac it's like a holiday on the days I get to wear these socks but you know 20 bucks a pair not a lot of money but expensive for socks and last for kids when shopping for a present that a kid is giving you're going to pay for the present but your kid is going to give it to their grandmother their your kid is going to give it to their buddy at school you pick the store and let them pick the
present and they're remarkably good at it and they're REM remarkably fast at it at least my kid is I've found and he has no reason to be gift receiving send thank you notes don't be the person who is oh I was going to write you a thank you note blah blah blah blah blah I'm guilty of it we're all guilty of it I screw up and don't send them write a thank you note send it through the mail send it to the person having said that I want to thank Gustav for the screwdrivers and I want to thank Dave England for all the schwag Dave England from Jackass for all the swag I want to thank the man who gave me the book that he took the photos for for the it's a Navy book it's unbelievably good the guy who dropped off the headlights there's more of you I get a lot of little gifts oh stop sending me gifts thank you thank you they're very much appreciated but I have tiny amount of room I just get myself whatever I want I'm very spoiled uh but thank you very much and the point of gift giving is to make people feel loved even if you don't really love of them
Products & Tools Mentioned
- Better Than Belts suspenders recommends — recommended as a gift item
- Swiss Army knife (gilded) recommends — gilded Victorinox as a gift
- Pentel white-out pen uses — used for inscribing gifts
- Uniball pen uses — pen brand mentioned
- Dremel engraver uses — engraving tool for personalizing gifts
- Dyson hair dryer mentions — mentioned as a gift example
- Toyota Land Cruiser mentions — Land Cruiser kit referenced as gift
People Referenced
Tom Sachs, Dave England