Small, Fast, Perfect
Published April 29, 2026 · 2:09 · 22,000 views
About This Video
Van's favorite computer runs on AA batteries, powers on instantly, and does exactly one thing: look up words. The Franklin Language Master, a gift from someone who loved him in 1988, gets raced head-to-head against a physical dictionary. The Language Master wins 7.2 seconds to 21.4, and the margin isn't close.
The word he looks up is 'avuncular.' Suggestive of an uncle, especially in kindliness. The choice isn't random. Van uses the definition to describe himself: giving nieces candy and nephews weapons. The 12-step language slipped in ('a power greater than the dictionary can restore us to sanity') is characteristic of how Van threads personal recovery through throwaway lines. A clip from the flagship episode.
Transcript
My favorite word is avuncular. A v u n c u l a r. Do you know what avuncular means? The u's are the clues.
How about if we pronounce it of-uncle-er? Someone who loved me bought me a Franklin Language Master in 1988. And the Franklin Language Master is my favorite computer. AA batteries because we believe a power greater than the dictionary can restore us to sanity.
Powers on instantly. I got to do it again. Fantastic. In seventh grade, we had a vocabulary curriculum called Wordly Wise. And I loved Wordly Wise.
But hated looking up the words in the dictionary. Let's race. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Language Master. 7.2 seconds. Avuncular: suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness. 18 19 21 dictionary 21.4 seconds. A: of or relating to an uncle, in other words uncle-like.
In other words, funcle. I love to give my nieces candy and my nephew weapons because I'm an avuncular giftgiver.
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Products & Tools Mentioned
- Franklin Language Master essential — "my favorite computer," AA batteries, powers on instantly, 7.2-second lookup
- Wordly Wise positive — 7th grade vocabulary curriculum Van loved
- Dictionary (physical) negative (speed) — 21.4 seconds vs. Language Master's 7.2 — lost the race