Because Computers Are Stupid.
Published April 16, 2025 · 7:58 · 121,193 views
About This Video
A sponsored video for Marathon watches that transcends its commercial obligation through a genuine philosophical argument about analog timekeeping. Van builds the case methodically: computers are stupid because they do everything, watches are intelligent because they do one thing, and the distinction between a Marathon GSAR diver's automatic and a smartwatch isn't feature set but orientation toward time itself. The tritium tube illumination (radioactive gas providing 25 years of permanent glow) becomes a metaphor for technology that doesn't require updates, charging, or your attention.
The entity density is revealing: Omega compared to Range Rover, Rolex to G-Wagon, Audemars Piguet to Rolls-Royce, while Marathon maps to Van's own 38-year-old Land Cruiser. Purpose-built, military-grade, indifferent to luxury signaling. The $21 Amazon analog watch he wore before the Marathon sponsorship grounds the argument in biography rather than aspiration. Worn & Wound's behind-the-scenes interview extends the conversation for watch enthusiasts, but the video works as standalone philosophy for anyone suspicious of the assumption that newer technology is better technology.
Transcript
undefined undefined About two years ago, out of the blue, I got this mysterious package from my brother. Perfect in every way. His words. Okay. Well, let's see about that.
Now, I gave the watch to you. Now, it had been about 10 years since I had worn a watch on my wrist, maybe more. You give me the watch. So, you
give me the watch and I wear it. And I remember how much I love wearing a
watch. But over the course of six or seven months of wearing this watch, I realized that it's just another computer undefined undefined
in my life. Now, I've got nothing against computers. I just [ __ ] hate
them. For instance, the beep. Let me explain. This watch lights up in the dark, and that's great for me because I
wake up before sunrise, but I can't read the button functions in the dark, and I can't remember which button turns the light on, which means I'm usually
accidentally queuing through the watch's different functions whilst I'm trying to turn the light on, which means I sometimes turn the beep function on
accidentally, which means every time I push a button, the watch beeps, which means I sometimes wake up my gal sleeping next to me.
For this video, I had to fake the beep sound with a stethoscope because I couldn't figure out how to turn the beeping back on having turned it off.
And I even had an assistant help me out, do research, look for YouTube videos on how to do it with this. It's a computer.
This is what they're like. undefined undefined I'm on the street here in January 2009 and um this is the same model of the first
computer I ever had. Totally changed my life. Same color,
too. Just thrown out with all the trash. I shouldn't hate computers.
I should love them. And it's not really fair to say that I hate computers whole
cloth. I hate how finicky they are to maintain. I hate that they're disposable. That iMac in the trash was 9 years old at the time.
9 years, man. This Land Cruiser is 38 years old and I drive it every day.
Sure, it has a computer right there. right there. But I don't really have to deal with it. Maybe once every couple years I'll get a fault
code that reminds me to change the fuel filter, dummy. But that's it. This has a
computer that tells me how fast it's going, but that's it. This ebike has a computer, but well, actually, the
computer in it is broken, and I have no hope of fixing it with reasonable amounts of time and money. undefined undefined
So, I got myself an analog watch. 21 bucks on Amazon. A humble watch for a prideful
man. But the glow-in-the-dark hands faded to invisible long before 4:00 a.m.
So, Tridium is the stuff that they make um that that also lights up uh the watch hands. One day I was working on
something and I heard Joe Rogan talking about an analog watch that he had. I
have a a marathon watch. Like even if it's like pitch blackout, all of the hour indicators are all lit up
permanently. It's really cool. With little tubes of radioactive gas on the hands and dial that were always bright.
Harmless radiation, always a light. No need to charge them with a flashlight.
But if Joe Rogan had it, that meant I couldn't afford it. Sure, Rogan has a Land Cruiser, and I have a Land Cruiser,
but ours cost us less than a new Kia, and Rogan's is a $300,000 customuilt TLC
Land Cruiser by Jonathan Ward, who is basically the Leonardo da Vinci of Land Cruiser restorations.
There's no way I'm affording a watch that Joe Rogan owns. But what the hell?
I got to see what this thing at least looks like. So, I look up the Marathon watch and okay, it's it's expensive, but
not for a watch. And if I can get it in an episode, I can sort of justify the expense, especially if it's my birthday. undefined undefined
[Music] It's my first nice watch. I bought this one with my own money and I [ __ ] love this thing. It makes me feel successful. It's automatic. No battery, no winding.
[Music] If you listen with the stethoscope, you can hear the little weight in there spin around, and that's what winds it when you move your
wrist. I love the analog solution to the darkness problem. Tubes of radioactive gas, 25 years of light. I love looking undefined undefined
at it. The thing about an analog watch is that my mind has oriented itself in
time relative to the distance that the minute hand travels. How long is the drive to Malibu? The hand moves about
this much. I love that it's Swissade, but that's a rabbit hole. I love that it's the Toyota Land Cruiser of watches, not the Range Rover of watches like an
Omega. Not the Gwagon of watches like a Rolex. Not the Rolls-Royce of watches like an Oddmar Pay or however you
pronounce it. The Land Cruiser of [Music] watches. Dor or maybe the Toyota Hilux of watches. I love I love that I got paid to make this. I love that I got this job
organically through worn and wound through Kyle through Jonathan Ward the Leonardo Dand undefined undefined
Cruisers. And I love that part of my fee was a big fat Seesar chronograph
automatic which was my idea. It was my birthday again. Thank you. See what you watch, little buddy? You like it?
Thank you, Marathon, for sponsoring this video. Link in the description, player.
Thank you, little buddy. And thank you to the Patreon subscribers who asked me for a video about my watch. Join the Patreon. Direct undefined undefined
message me with your video ideas and maybe I'll make one of them.
Products & Tools Mentioned
- Marathon watch essential — sponsor, Swiss-made military watches, GSAR and CSAR Chronograph
- Marathon GSAR essential — diver's automatic watch, tritium tubes for permanent glow
- Marathon CSAR Chronograph Automatic essential — pilot's chronograph, part of payment
- Worn & Wound mentions — watch publication, interview partner
- Land Cruiser essential — 38-year-old daily driver, compared to Toyota Hilux
- Apple iMac mentions — first computer, seen discarded on street in 2009
- Omega mentions — watch brand compared to Range Rover
- Rolex mentions — watch brand compared to G-Wagon
- Audemars Piguet mentions — watch brand compared to Rolls-Royce (auto-caption: 'Oddmar Pay')
- Amazon mentions — $21 analog watch purchased
- Kia mentions — car price comparison for Land Cruiser
- TLC Land Cruiser by Jonathan Ward mentions — Joe Rogan's $300K custom Land Cruiser
People Referenced
Casey Neistat, Joe Rogan, Jonathan Ward, Taylor Kealy, Kyle